The Single Life-Up and Down

The past year has been up and down for me.  I have been dating again which has been good.  I didn’t realize how much I missed dating life.  It isn’t always easy and things don’t always work out like I hope but at least I am trying again.  I had given up for about 10 years because I decided that I was too old to be dating, I wasn’t feeling very good about myself and I didn’t think there was even a chance of meeting someone.  But a wise friend told me to never give up.  As you may remember from one of my former posts I talked about trying out online dating.  Since that post I have been out with 5 different men. At this time none of those have turned in to a relationship and that has been a little hard for me.  However, I have learned a lot from each of them and I am not giving up hope.  I have learned again what I am looking for in a future husband and I have also learned to love myself again.  There is a saying that says you can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself.  There have been several times in my life where I was not happy with myself and did not love myself.  I didn’t feel beautiful or worth being with anyone.  My self-esteem was really low if almost non-existent for a time.  Little by little each of these dating experiences has changed how I feel about myself and I have learned that I am a strong, smart and beautiful woman with a lot to offer.  I don’t mean that to sound prideful or boastful but if you knew how low I felt for several years you would know how far I have come.  It just goes to show that sometimes words can hurt.  So since August of last year I have been growing and trying to improve myself and be brave in my dating life.  Right now I am currently not dating anyone.  I needed to take a break because the last “relationship” was a bit of a heart breaker for me.  My heart needs to heal and trust that I will meet someone who cares about me as much as I care about him.